There is a forum that I frequent that is dedicated to moms-at-home. For the time being, I am a mom at home. This "mom-at-home" title has branded a lot of us women, at least in the Guess eyes of society, to be brainless, without guavas, and having no idea of how to make up our own minds. Yeah. Right. These are the same people- many of them women- who also told us that whatever a man can do, we can do better, and that when they said everything, that meant everything and that the only thing we gals had to do was visit a sex-toy shop and buy a strap-on!

Here is a secret that is not such a secret, and if you know me personally, then you know that there is no way that I could keep it a secret.

I recently got a boob job.

Yeah yeah yeah...I know..."You didn't need them" and "You know, you're going to have to get them replaced..." and "...but you were fine how you were!" I know all this. I also know what it is like to wake up, disrobe, look in the mirror and go "Okay, God, funny joke. You can finish me now." This is where I will begin.

There are people in this world (No, Papa Bear...not you) who would have you believe that all the things that you think are somehow there because some dick in a suit and white lab coat has made it so that society will dictate how I dress, what I think of myself, and where my place in this life and on the crust of the earth will be. There are people who actually think that this is the right thing to think!

Then there are people who don't have a clue, willingly follow along and act as though they agree with society, even though deep inside of them they are ready to blow because they KNOW that the things they hear are not right, at least not for them or anyone else, just for (ahem) "society".

And of course, there are people like you and I. I cannot speak for you, but I can speak for myself when I say that I will be damned to hell if society will dictate what I do, who I am, how I live. FUCK NO it won't.

We gals,historically, have been the ones to follow five steps behind the guys. This thinking does not only apply to them, but also to some on our side of the gender fence. There are women in this world who claim to be feminists (it takes a lot more than pit hair, granola and ugly brown sandals, doll), who will tell other women that they should not do this or that because aside of it being dangerous, the reason that any one of us would want to do anything to make our appearances more appealing to us is actually not because of us but because of society.

Yeah. Okay.

I wonder, is she new here?

I mean, on earth, not here, here.

Society gets the blame for a lot these days, namely for the rise and fall and rise and fall of female society. No, it had nothing to do with society, and everything to do with human error.

Duh.

I did not get my boobs done because I wanted society to think better of me. I have a brain, and I have more balls than a lot of men I know, so it wasn't that I was trying to make myself look better in that regard. I did it because there is only so much that hearing you are smart and that should be enough, that all asian women are born small, that "at least you aren't big like a Polynesian usually is" (racist bitch), and a whole host of other bullshit that none of those do-gooding shitheads would ever understand.

I didn't do this for the man in my life, or because I wanted to be accepted better in the eyes of society. I didn't do this because I wanted to make more money or because I wanted men to look at me and women to envy me. I didn't do this for anyone else but me.

Okay, me and a girl named Victoria who has a really big secret.

And to assume that it was for leather bras and lace panties is wrong, too.

I did this soley, only for me.

And let's examine that for a minute, shall we?

I am a mother. I have three beautiful kids for whom I would do just about anything. They are the world to me.

I am a wife. I have a wonderful (most of the time) husband who I have done almost anything for.

I am a sister, daughter, friend, writer, entertainer, lots of things. But when I wake up in the morning, I am just one person-me, and I am the person who I do the least for. Is it such a sin that the thing I wanted to do for me was to wake up in the moring and actually wear a bra that fits? Is it so bad that the one person who I wanted to impress did not come into this world a male, did not come into this world born to seek out females, did not come into this world to do for society what it doesn't do for themselves?

Is it such a sin that for once in my life, in all our "momma-can-I-have-a-cookie" lives, we would do something for ourselves. Not because I wanted to be acceptable in the eyes of society, but rather, acceptable in the reflection that only I see?

That, and I now would qualify for the "All this an brains, too" award.

Leave the women alone, society. We're fine how we are. You , however, need to clean up your rooms, pull up your pants, take that fucking warpaint that you call make-up off your face and grow the hell up.

Not all is as it seems, no, not even that crazy hag who lives on Strawberry lane.

Aunty